Au Pair vs. Nanny

As if making the many decisions when it comes to childcare wasn't hard enough!  First you have to decide between moving your child's world into a daycare or having private care in your home.   Once you decide on private care, the decision then becomes whether you want a domestic caregiver (nanny) or an international one (au pair).

So what's the difference between a nanny and an au pair? Is there a difference in care? In hiring protocol? In price?

The answer to all these questions... is yes.

Longevity:

Based on the structure of the au pair program, you will likely need to hire a new au pair every year.  This means a new extensive interview process each year and constant re-training of caregivers.  Domestic nannies, on the other hand, are looking to stick around long-term and do not wish to be replaced every year.

In addition, with an au pair, you have to have the often-difficult conversation with your children as to why their current caregiver, to whom they have become attached, is not only leaving, but moving so far away that they might not see them again.  In contrast, many domestic nannies will stay in the lives of the children they’ve cared for, long after they are no longer employed in their household, attending their special functions and celebrations.  

This means you will spend less time searching for new caregivers and less money on au pair agency fees.

The Cost:

To obtain an au pair, you are forced to hire an agency. The cost of using an au pair agency ranges from $7,500 to $12,500 per caregiver, versus hiring a nanny on your own (free), or using a nanny agency (¼  to ½ of the up-front cost).

Since au pairs are only around for a year, what will that mean for your pocket and for the stability of your family environment?  It means that every year, you are spending approximately $10,000 to find a new caregiver, not to mention all the other hidden paperwork and agency fee not automatically included in the au pair finders fee . When you hire domestically, it is true that you will not be paying your caregiver less than $300 per week.   After all, most nannies know the value of the service they are providing and, as with most things, you get what you pay for.  Although $300 per week in salary seems simple and not that bad over time, all the hidden expenses people tend not to think about (such as providing a vehicle and paying for additional car insurance, food, water, and utilities) really add up.  By these calculations expenses has well surpass $30,000.  

Hiring a nanny domestically means you do not have to hire an au pair agency for $10,000.  The hourly rate is more, but the emotional cost is a lot less, as most nannies are looking to spend many years with a potential employer. The extra expenses necessary to support an au pair can go into paying a nanny, who usually has her own car and car insurance and goes home to her own residence at the end of the night.  You get private time with your family and don’t have to feel awkward walking around in your PJ’s!

Caregiver Experience:

A young family with a newborn will have an easier time finding a caregiver with extensive infant experience right here in the USA.  The same holds true for families with children who have special needs.  Au pairs are typically young women in their 20's, who often have no more experience than having younger siblings.  For many of these young caregivers, being an au pair is the only way they believe they can see the United States.  This can be the primary motivation for being an au pair.  Naturally, they want to go out and explore the country, often with fellow au pairs.  The resulting late nights and groggy (hungover) mornings can become a problem.

Cultural Exposure:

Some families think that hiring an au pair is the best way to provide your family with exposure to another culture.  But don’t forget that different cultures have different ideas regarding acceptable behavior. What if she is not the role model you are looking for? For example, what is considered “appropriate” attire varies from culture to culture and can lead to some very awkward moments. I once had a father expresses his feels about the 20 something year old girl from France walking around topless.    

Also, what happens if she becomes homesick and leaves the program?

On the other hand, families who are motivated to hire an au pair for the cultural exposure she will bring should remember that we live in America, the “Melting Pot”!  There are many domestic nannies who come from different cultures and backgrounds who are more than willing to share elements of their culture as well as their native language with the children in their care.   Simply express that desire to candidates during the interview process.  This honesty and respect can pave the way for a long-lasting relationship that will extend far into the future.

Limited Hours of Work:

Au Pair agencies place a maximum on the number of consecutive hours and days the nanny is able to work.  For many homes, that might not present a problem, but parents with long commutes and / or long hours typically require flexibility when things like traffic jams and unexpected work assignments arise.

Extra Space Requirements:

Do you have the ability to house another person comfortably?   One great benefit of hiring a nanny domestically is that you aren’t required to have someone live with you.  An au pair needs, at minimum, her own bedroom.  Even with a mid-sized house, it’s often difficult to avoid feeling like you’re on top of each other.

Confusion About Who’s in Charge:

In some live-in cases, the question of who is in charge is confusing in the beginning and continues to get more confusing as time moves on.  When do they listen to Mom and Dad’s directions and when do they take the au pair's?  Some children might react badly and rebel for a period, resulting in a loss of control for the au pair or even the parents, which could present safety concerns.

Lack of Privacy:

It can become unclear when the au pair is working versus when she’s not working.  Be prepared for a lot of family time with the au pair; you now have her for breakfast, lunch, dinner, family get-togethers, holidays, and more.  If you’ve always wanted a much older daughter, then this should work out fine. 

Language Issues:

Although I’ve never had a major issue with the language differences, there are some common complaints that arise time and again:  One issue is that it’s not uncommon for children with emerging language to mimic the mispronunciation of non-native English speakers.  Another complaint I’ve heard is  “Now my toddler is not only getting frustrated at all the times we don't understand him, he's now getting frustrated with all the times he doesn’t understand the au pair”.